Whiskey Rebellion

A Small Price to Pay for History

… but then again, $182,000 buys a LOT of Jameson’s

But bacon tastes good ...

Not that anyone asked, but you know it was a long night of drinking when, at the office the next day, you reach into your backpack for a notebook only to discover a bag of pork rinds. And you can’t remember how they got there. On the bright side, pork rinds make for a welcome surprise and an excellent snack at 2 PM The Day After.

Of course, the above scenario also presents the dilemma of whether or not it’s appropriate to eat pork rinds at your desk. Potato chips are legit, I think, but somehow fried fat products seem to be pushing the envelope of propriety. I can’t deny that I felt a little bit sheepish when the CEO strolled past my desk, which was littered with rinds. Fortunately, I hadn’t opened that little packet of hot sauce that Snak King so thoughtfully includes in their El Sabroso “pork cracklins” (I did that later). Anyway, if you recall the watermelon scene in Invisible Man, then you have a pretty good idea how I felt.

* While we’re on the topic of food: I love sourdough, but it is legal to make sandwiches with other types of bread. I just wanted to clear up the confusion for Bay Area deli owners. 

And to think I meant to write something serious today.  I feel shallow, but it's nothing a protracted conversation with my friend Mr. Jameson won't cure.  In any event, someone out there in the wilds of cyberspace thinks we're worthwhile here at Whiskey Rebellion.  We just received our first link from the esteemed Clareified blog.  Must go; I'm all weepy now.

Doctor Hannibal Goes to Hanover

An enterprising young business student at Dartmouth has introduced a health food offering for the cannibalistically inclined. Human flavored tofu – hufu - doesn’t sound especially appetizing, but it is fat free and just 100 calories per serving. So it’s got that going for it.

Tough to know if hufu lives up to its billing, though. Friend of the Blog (FOB) Kameron suggests the only way to tell if the stuff is legit is to feed it to carnivorous animals and see if they devour it like an 8-piece of Popeye’s chicken. Maybe, but human-flavored or not, it’s still tofu. And I’m not sure we want to train captive animals to appreciate the taste of human flesh any more than they already do.

The hidden gem of this story is the celebrity angle, which may be apocryphal, but since it’s in my interest to believe it’s true, I’ll present it as fact. Besides, if you can’t trust America’s oldest college newspaper  - not to be confused with America' Oldest College Daily - whom can you trust? As they wrote about inventor Mark Nuckols:

“He also claims that the name "hufu" was actually coined by actress and model Milla Jovovich. Several years ago, a business associate was discussing Nuckols' idea, then called "hofu," with a friend on a Eurostar train going from London to Paris. Jovovich, intrigued, allegedly turned around to join in the conversation, commenting, "'Hofu' sounds like 'c*ck' -- you should call it 'hufu.'"

"As far as I can speculate, she meant 'ho food,'" Nuckols said. "She's a supermodel -- she doesn't have to make sense."

Apparently Jovovich’s publicist did not respond to requests for comment.

An enterprising young business student at Dartmouth has introduced a health food offering for the cannibalistically inclined. Human flavored tofu – hufu - doesn’t sound especially appetizing, but it is fat free and just 100 calories per serving. So it’s got that going for it.

Tough to know if hufu lives up to its billing, though. Friend of the Blog (FOB) Kameron suggests the only way to tell if the stuff is legit is to feed it to carnivorous animals and see if they devour it like an 8-piece of Popeye’s chicken. Maybe, but human-flavored or not, it’s still tofu. And I’m not sure we want to train captive animals to appreciate the taste of human flesh any more than they already do.

The hidden gem of this story is the celebrity angle, which may be apocryphal, but since it’s in my interest to believe it’s true, I’ll present it as fact. Besides, if you can’t trust America’s oldest college newspaper  - not to be confused with America' Oldest College Daily - whom can you trust? As they wrote about inventor Mark Nuckols:

“He also claims that the name "hufu" was actually coined by actress and model Milla Jovovich. Several years ago, a business associate was discussing Nuckols' idea, then called "hofu," with a friend on a Eurostar train going from London to Paris. Jovovich, intrigued, allegedly turned around to join in the conversation, commenting, "'Hofu' sounds like 'c*ck' -- you should call it 'hufu.'"

"As far as I can speculate, she meant 'ho food,'" Nuckols said. "She's a supermodel -- she doesn't have to make sense."

Apparently Jovovich’s publicist did not respond to requests for comment.